I dont want to stop cutting myself but i know its going to kill me one day what should i do?

I have been a cutter for 10 years i have treid to stop several times but i dont have the strength to do it somehting always goes wrong and i have to cut again,its an addiction that i just cant give up im not sure i want to give it up yet its a huge part of my identity everyone knows me as the cutter anorexic chic i know my cuts are getting deeper i had to get 120 stiches last week alone im afried tht im going to kill myself i know i need to stop but i dont know how

Answers:
I understand what you're going through. In response to an earlier reply this is not new. It used and is still sometimes referred to as parasucide. However, ask most cutters/self-injurers and they do not want to die.

It is a habit/addiction. The same chemicals are released in you're brain as heroine when you're cutting so you get a "high". You in turn feel more alive by releasing that anger.

I have read that the majority of cutters are female and also have or at one time had an eating disorder as well as early sexual abuse. I think that we become so angry and we can't express ourselves to others. I know a lot of cutters who feel bad for being angry yet take the anger out on themselves. I know it's true for me.

Check out a book, if you have not already, called A Bright Red Scream. I found it very informative. I have been a cutter/self-injurer for 20years and I am not proud of it. I can go years without cutting and relapse due to a fight with someone. Rationally I know it's a silly thing to do and it really does not solve anything cause the person is still mad or hurt regardless of whether I cut or not. Emotionally, however, things are very different. In my agitated state I do not see clearly it's that tunnel vision with our white light being the scissors or whatever it is that you use.

You know sometimes I try to "trick" myself and say oh well you know I'll just punch myself cause it won't scar and it won't kill me. In my mind justifying it as a lesser evil. However, I'm no fool in whatever way we hurt ourselves it is bad but it's so difficult to give up when you've turned to it all these years.

I would say counseling and support groups would be a good thing. I hope you're healing both physically and mentally xox

Identify what makes you cut and abandon it. Your identity as the cutter anorexic chic or whatever isnt worth your life. Become the successful worthy well fed chic.
Also I was a cutter and the medicine I was on made me do it. Once I quit the medicine I never could even think about cutting.
There really is now way of stopping unless you really want to. It's mind over matter. There have been times I wanted to end my life but I thought of all the people that love me and I hate to never see them again. I tried talking to someone but that made things worse for me.

Try taking up a hobby (not cutting) and see if someone has the same interests as you. You might shock yourself when you find something you really enjoy beside hurting yourself. If you ever need to talk you can email me at speedracer54348066@yahoo.com, I'm always willing to talk. Please don't take your life you are a very special person and you need to place that in you mind.

Take care.
One thing I would suggest is talking to a therapist about it. Cutting happens when your emotional pain is so great that you try to out do it so to speak with physical pain. Please get some help before something terrible happens to you. Either way you need to stop hurting yourself. Think of it this way. would you cut someone you loved? Probably not so why are you doing it to yourself? Try to find little ways to love yourself like putting salve on your wounds and trying to heal them. Literally apologize to yourself for hurting you and do that every night until they get better. It's a start anyway. Good Luck!
I used to be in the same position as you. One day I cut way too deep and had to go to the hospital. Since then I realised that it wasn't so much the cutting that made me happy it was what the cutting produced in me in the sense that it gave me a sense of control and power. So i experimented around with a few different things and I've found that I can achieve the same thing with food. When I need to feel that sense of control I pretty much starve myself. It's really worked for me, I haven't felt the need to cut in almost 3 years.
I know this might sound weird, but I wonder if this cutting thing is fairly new (within the past 15 years)? I heard people used to open unlocked car doors in the 50s to "let the pressure out". If you could manifest your pain in another way without hurting yourself or others, maybe you could buy more time.
First of all (to the above answer up there somewhere), it's silly to tell her to starve herself because if she's anorexic she's obviously already tried that :)
I can only half comprehend what you're going through. I'm 19 and I've only been cutting myself for about 8 months. I was a self-injurer before that (some of the 'softer' forms), but I had never cut myself. I know I have a lot of trouble getting through a few days without cutting myself.the addiction came onto me strong.so I can only imagine ten years with it as an escape.
Maybe, with you not wanting to stop, you're putting too much pressure on yourself trying to. Have you ever tried to just regulate how often/how much/how deep you cut yourself? This is what I'm trying to do, although I can't report to you whether or not it works for me, because I've just started trying to get it under control. They say it's harder to moderate something than it is to stop it 'cold turkey'. But, at the same time, you won't scare yourself into a panic thinking you can never cut again. But, if you can moderate the way you cut yourself, chances are you'll find you can quit later. Just a suggestion.
I've only been in a hospital once for a self-inflicted injury. I only needed eight stitches, and it scared me to death. Obviously, I couldn't comprehend needing 120 stitches.that honestly blows my mind.(not really in a good or bad way, just total mind-blowing)..
All I can say is that I really do feel for you, and that there is always hope somewhere. I don't know how much experience you've had with therapy/medication/etc..but that is always a possible way to start.
If you've cut yourself bad enough to need 120 stitches before, chances are you do it on the spur of the moment when you're incredibly upset. Have you ever tried just waiting a while to calm down, knowing you were going to do it eventually, but promising yourself you wouldn't let it go too deep? I've found just putting it off for awhile can help with the severity of injury. Or even..the feeling could pass before you ever get a chance to do it. And then you could go run 10 miles or something (exaggeration)..and go through intense pain trying to run a marathon.
you sound like a 12 year old!
If you don't want to stop and you know that it is going to kill you, logically the only thing you can do is
1--accept the fact (without fear) that you will die soon
2--get your affairs in order
Cutting yourself is not good, no matter how it makes you feel. There is help. Admitting you have a problem is the first step. You're doing good.

Self Harm 1-800-DONTCUT Help for "cutters"

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