my boyfriend cuts himself and he says it "feels good"?

My boyfriend suffers from depression. He has been to social workers in the past, but he gets tired of them telling him what to do and feels they dont work. I happen to be a social worker myself, so please understand that he dosn't want me "social working him". Anyway, a few days ago, i noticed a bandaid on his wrist and saw the blood underneith. He told me in the past he used to cut himself. When i asked him that day if he cut himself , he said "no". Meanwhile, yesterday "out of the blue" he asked "you asked about me cutting myself a few days ago?" I said yes. He said "yeah, i did" He told me that he likes to do so and it just feels good when he does it. We are both 25 years old. Maybe it feels good because dosn't it have to do with endorphins being released? i think there is a biology component to the "feeling good" part, but im not sure. Ive been telling him to go back to a therapist but he keeps saying i dont think i want help. I wish he would go on meds.

Answers:
i just wanted to add that these ppl are wrong that are telling you to leave him because of it! if you love him and wanna be with him then stay but if you leave just because of this you'll be another person that let him down in his life and it will go from self mutilation to suicide attemps, thats not such a big jump, all you gotta do is cut a little deeper!

when i was a teen i was a cutter, i cut myself all the time because yes if did feel good, you get a rush from it! but also because physical pain is a lot easier to deal with then emotional pain. at least you know how to fix the cut and can make that better. my sister was a cutter also, and i just found out that my cousins 12 yr old daughter is cutting now. i dont know if it could run in our family or what. but i know a lot of ppl that have and still do it. there are people that get together just for that reason i think the therapist called it socail cutters, there are many reasons a person would cut its not just for the feeling of ur flesh ripping.

check out these sites.


www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.or.
Support group for self mutilators which uses the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous to help people to stop self mutilating


www.palace.net/~llama/psych/in.
self-injury information on the web. Includes definitions, explanations of why, etiology and demographics, diagnoses associated with SI, professional treatments, self-help


www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/.
Over half of self-mutilators were sexually abused as children, and many also . Self-mutilators are often hesitant to change their clothes or undress

www.webmd.com/hw/mental_health.
Moderated message board that provides support and strength for persons who use self - injurious


gabrielle.self-injury.net/inde.
Males Who Self Injure, Please Come Here - Safe Haven
. What racial group do you think holds more self-mutilators? . wouldn't say that they are classified as self-mutilators (or even self-injurers)

Time to find a new boy friend.
you boyfriend has serious mental health issues. Its not up to you to decide for him. He needs to discover this on his own.

Your best bet is to step away from this relationship becasue you are bound to be hurt and when he gets put in the ward, you will surely be upset.
he does need help!! See if you can find out what bothers him, then try to do other things to get his mind off it, if that doesn't work, go to a social worker by yourself and don't tell him! use the advice you get there! if he refuses, get out of the relationship!
Time to move on that a disaster waiting to happen. You can still remain friends but I belive that its others issues that he needs to check on. That not a good look for you thought because he may cut you next.
Your boyfriend needs to se a therapist. He is not well mentally. And you need to stay away from him until he does.
What he is doing is a control thing and an attention getter and when you give attention to him it will make it worse.
Sometimes people do it for attention and then other times they do it to feel the pain. It makes me sick that people even do these things, but this is where my favorite show Degrassi comes in haha! Okay there is this girl in a show Degrassi, I forgot her name, and she is a cutter. Well she goes to these therapy classes and they told her she should get a rubber band and put it on her wrist 24/7. When she get's the urge of cutting herself she simply just has to pull the back of the band on her hand and pinch herself with it. It helps and it has the same feeling of cutting I think. So try the rubber band theory. All you have to do is lightly pull on it and let it hit against your wrist. I hope this works.. If not, find yourself a new boyfriend seriously.
Scary! I would definitely say you have to get out of that dangerous relationship.
If he doesn't get help he will end up killing himself. He is in serious trouble. The physical pain is to supress the emotional pain. Don't let him fool you, there is nothing good in what he is doing and if you enable him to keep doing it, you are not helping at all but becoming part of the problem. He is trying to reach out, but has too many issues that can only be solved by a psychiatrist and the proper medications.
Self-mutilation

Definition:
Self-mutilation is a general term for a variety of forms of intentional self-harm without the wish to die. Cutting one's skin with razors or knives is the most common pattern of self-mutilation. Others include biting, hitting, or bruising oneself; picking or pulling at skin or hair; burning oneself with lighted cigarettes, or amputating parts of the body.

Description:
Self-mutilation has become a major public health concern as its incidence appears to have risen since the early 1990s. One source estimates that 0.75% of the general American population practices self-mutilation. The incidence of self-mutilation is highest among teenage females, patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and patients diagnosed with one of the dissociative disorders. Over half of self-mutilators were sexually abused as children, and many also suffer from eating disorders.

Self-mutilation should not be confused with current fads for tattoos and body piercing. In some cases, however, it may be difficult to distinguish between an interest in these fads and the first indications of a disorder.

The relationship of self-mutilation to suicide is still debated even though statistics show that nearly 50% of individuals who injure themselves also attempt suicide at some point in their lives. Many researchers think that suicide attempts reflect feelings of rejection or hopelessness, while self-mutilation results from feelings of shame or a need to relieve tension.

Causes and symptoms:
Several different theories have been proposed to explain self-mutilation:


self-mutilation is an outlet for strong negative emotions, especially anger or shame, that the person is afraid to express in words or discuss with others.


self-mutilation represents anger at someone else directed against the self.


self-mutilation relieves unbearable tension or anxiety Many self-mutilators do report feeling relief after an episode of self-cutting or other injury.


self-mutilation is a technique for triggering the body's biochemical responses to pain. Stress and trauma release endorphins, which are the body's natural pain-killing substances


self-mutilation is a way of stopping a dissociative episode. Dissociation is a process in which the mind splits off, or dissociates, certain memories and thoughts that are too painful to keep in conscious awareness. Some people report that they feel "numb" or "dead" when they dissociate, and self-injury allows them to feel "alive."


self-mutilation is a symbolic acting-out of the larger culture's mistreatment of women. This theory is sometimes offered to explain why the great majority (about 75%) of self-mutilators are girls and women

The symptoms of self-mutilation typically include wearing long-sleeved or baggy clothing, even in hot weather; and an unusual need for privacy. Self-mutilators are often hesitant to change their clothes or undress around others. In most cases the person has also shown signs of depression.

Diagnosis:
Self-mutilation is usually diagnosed by a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. A family practitioner or nurse who notices scars, bruises, or other physical evidence of self-injury may refer the person to a specialist for evaluation.

Treatment:
Persons who mutilate themselves should seek treatment from a therapist with some specialized training and experience with this behavior. Most self-mutilators are treated as outpatients, although there are some inpatient programs, such as S.A.F.E., for adolescent females. A number of different treatment approaches are used with self-mutilators, including psychodynamic psychotherapy, group therapy, journaling, and behavioral therapy.

Although there are no medications specifically for self-mutilation, antidepressants are often given, particularly if the patient meets the diagnostic criteria for a depressive disorder.

Alternative treatment:
Mindfulness training, which is a form of meditation, has been used to teach self-mutilators to observe and identify their feelings in order to have some control over them.

Prognosis:
The prognosis depends on the presence and severity of other emotional disorders, and a history of sexual abuse and/or suicide attempts. In general, teenagers without a history of abuse or other disorders have a good prognosis. Patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and/or a history of attempted suicide are considered to have the worst prognosis.

Prevention:
Some society-wide factors that influence self-mutilation, such as the high rate of sexual abuse of children and media stereotypes of women, are difficult to change. In general, however, young people who have learned to express themselves in words or through art and other creative activities are less likely to deal with painful feelings by injuring their bodies.

Key Terms:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
A pattern of behavior characterized by impulsive acts, intense but chaotic relationships with others, identity problems, and emotional instability.


Dissociation:
The splitting off of certain mental processes from conscious awareness.


Dissociative disorders:
A group of mental disorders in which dissociation is a prominent symptom. Patients with dissociative disorders have a high rate of self-mutilation.


Endorphins:
Pain-killing substances produced in the human body and released by stress or trauma. Some researchers think that people who mutilate themselves are trying to trigger the release of endorphins.
For Your Information

Books:
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 1994.


Eisendrath, Stuart J., M.D., and Jonathan E. Lichtmacher, M.D. "Psychiatric Disorders." In Current Medical Diagnosis & Treatment 2001 40th ed. n, ed. L. M. Tierney, Jr., MD, et al. New York: Lange Medical Books/McGraw-Hill, 2001.


Pipher, Mary, PhD. Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls. New York: Ballantine Books, 1994.


Organizations:
American Psychiatric Association. 1400 K Street, NW. Washington, DC 20005. (202) 682-6220. http://www.psych.org.


Focus Adolescent Services. (877) 362-8727. http//www.focusas.com.


National Institute of Mental Health. 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, MD 20857. (301) 443-4513. Fax: (301) 443-4513. http://www.nimh.nih.gov.

He really does need help. I hope this will help you. Good luck and God Bless.
Your boy friend is in need of serious help. This condition can and often results in suicide. Most sickies resist assistance and require intervention to get them to accept it. I would make an ultimatum that he seek professional help from a psychiatrist, not a social worker, and do it soon. Also there are hot lines and outreach programs for this behavior. Find one and find it soon or he could hurt himself badly or die.
The others are right!
Some mental illnesses such as depression and bipolar.
Anyways, you should get a new boyfriend.

I had a friend like your boyfriend once.
I was there for her everyday, I speaked with her everyday, I tried keeping her joyful and busy so she wouldn't cut herself.
She has the worst life according to her.
Her mom is a drunkard, she hates her father, she hasn't been in school for a few months, and visits the doctors all the time ..

Anyways, I can go on forever and ever. But, listen there's nothing at all you can do to change your excuse the remark..
' insane' boyfriend. It's too late.
It's like an addiction.
When someone cuts himself/herself he feels good, because he/she thinks it's helping them - which isn't.
Please trust me, most of them are attention seekers with depression just like my ' friend ' sarah.
I never talk to her anymore, because I realised she's insane, literally. Well, good luck dear.
He sounds like he really is in trouble. Very difficult situation for you to be in. The cutting himself has nothing to do with endophins, it is a signal that he has low self-esteem and is crying out for attention, which he then says he doesn't want.

Perhaps you should try a little reverse psychology on him. Pretend that YOU are depressed and say you need help, convince him to help you, then that way lure him to a psychiatrist (he really needs to see one) under false pretences.
This is a serious problem. If he will not seek help, you need to decide if you can handle this relationship. Being a social worker, you should have an idea about the risks he is taking. Think about how that will affect you and your relationship with him. Try to be as objective as possible and ask yourself if you can handle this relationship. If it were me, I would have to leave him.
I understand the cutting feels good part. I even understand the not wanting to get help part because it's so hard to change. Sometimes it's easier to just let yourself be depressed. But the bottom line is he does need help.He suffers from depression. I wouldn't say he needs to go on meds. Meds are just like a band aid. they help for a while but it doesn't make it heal faster. He needs to heal himself. He should see a Therapist. And when looking for a therapist he should look for one that does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. They will help him look at his thought processes and his emotions and break them down. They will help him find the unhealthy thoughts and the triggers of those thoughts then they will teach him how to re-direct his thoughts and emotions into better processes thereby feeling better. It's kind of like re-wiring; and it works. But also keep in mind he needs to WANT to change. If he seriously wants to stay the way he is, no amount of therapy or drugs will help him. Changing your life and the whole way you think and react take a ton of work. Therapists will help, but he has to want to do it. It can be done.
I believe in standing by someone when they are trying to improve their situation or standing or themselves, or whatever. It isn't an easy path.the person falls back..but the momentum is still forward and positive.

I also believe in walking away when the person decides they do not want to help themselves.

Sounds like he doesn't want to help himself.

Ball is in your court..
It feels good because it's an escape from emotion. Sounds like he wants attention. Call him on it! Don't tiptoe around & feel sorry for him.

You have a right to a healthy relationship. You can still express your love and care for him, but don't compromise your needs. He can't give you what you want if he's not happy with himself.

Get him some behavior therapy & meds.
I'm an ex-cutter. As other people are saying, I used physical pain to distract myself from emotional pain, especially when I felt overwhelmed by things I couldn't control. So I know what it's like.

I can't believe you are all saying that she should dump her boyfriend, though. What he's doing sounds like very superficial scratches. If you can hide it under a Band-Aid, it's not life-threatening--trust me. It *is* a problem that he needs to overcome, but it is NOT a reason for panic.

Cutting is a way to handle stress, a survival strategy--not a suicide attempt. This guy, feeling that his social workers aren't helping him (which is quite possibly true), has simply decided to take matters into his own hands: He's using the best way he has to control his emotions, to stay sane and functional. Sure, it's not a good way to cope; but if it's the only way you've got, then it's a heck of a lot better than ending up in real trouble--drugs, suicide, a mental hospital. whatever.

And, you know what? Cutting *does* "feel good". Your body releases endorphins when you're hurt; and if you can release those endorphins, you can alleviate depression, disappointment, and a lot of other negative feelings. It's not a good way to handle those feelings--but it does work. That's why so many people use it.

That this guy initially lied about cutting himself tells me that, if he wants "attention", then that's only a small part of the problem. He's been hiding it even from his girlfriend--people who "just want attention" don't hide nearly that long, or that much. If he's letting you know now, it's because he trusts you, and thinks maybe you can help.

First of all, the best thing you can do for him is be a friend. Don't be hysterical, don't order him to stop, don't be angry. Don't baby him or walk on eggs around him; don't act like it's the end of the world: It isn't. Just accept that he's doing what he has to do, and be matter-of-fact about it. The less emotion, the better. he's just who he is, and whether he cuts or doesn't cut, doesn't change that you are his friend.

Ultimately, it's up to your guy to learn what he needs to handle his problems without using pain to do it. You can't do it for him; therapy can't do it for him; meds can't do it for him. All those things can help, but he will have to do the hard work himself--and trust me, it IS hard work. When you've been depending on something (in my case, since age 7) to alleviate stress and cancel negative emotions for a long time, it's hard to learn something else.

But it's worth it, because if you can learn some different strategies, then you can use your emotions to your benefit without being overwhelmed by them.

Encourage him to find a counselor who is willing to help him learn those things. If he can't connect with the people he's seeing now--it's just a personality thing, most of the time--then he needs to find new ones.

Meds can help, too. Beware of any doctor who prescribes more than one or two at a time. you want the meds to be an aid, not a crutch. When you find the right meds for depression, you will feel "more like yourself". not doped up, not more passive, not "high". If you don't feel like yourself when you're on something, it isn't right for you.

Getting over something like self-injury is a lot of work; and if he's depressed (which is likely) he may not have the motivation to make calls, drag himself to therapy (or out of bed), or get the good food and exercise he needs. Those are things you can help him with. Don't "mother" him--he doesn't need that--but you can offer rides, arrange appointments, pick up meds, or cook food.

But, most of all, just be there for him. be a friend--a predictable person he can count on. He probably needs one.
Unfortunately, you can't force him to get help, but meds would be the best bet, and a good therapist. Otherwise he is going to bring you down, along with him. I wish you luck.
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