Can someone help me thorough this grieving process?
Only once in my life before today had to go to a funeral for a very close friend. It was expected with my other friend though because she had no kidneys. This one came as a complete shock to me. She died on Friday today was her viewing and funeral now she is off to be cremated. I cried all week at the thought that she had died last week and was just sitting there in the funeral home. I went as a family member because I have been with her ex brother in law and all of her neices and nephews and her own son call me aunt. I have been with their uncle for about eight years and everyone knows who I am. Everyday my friend Vicky would call me and would say hey whats up *****. Or what are you doing and we would talk for hours sometimes. I couldn't visit her very often because I don't drive because I have seizures and would have to get a ride over to her house. I already miss her so bad, I can't stop crying. I couldn't even go to her wake after the funeral. I asked my nephew to bring
Answers:
I'm so sorry you have to go through this loss. hugs for you! I lost my father a year and 3 months ago and i still cry every night because i am soo sad he is gone. I always wonder if he is gonna drive up and come knocking at my door to take me fishing or just to sit and chat. I think of him every single day. On fathers day i caught myself dialing his number to wish him a wonderful day and to tell him i loved him only to remember he is no longer here. I totally understand your pain, my dad was like my best friend and i will never get him back, but i will always have the memories and pictures in my mind of all the good and bad times. Its going to be very hard for you to get through this, i know, cause i still feel the same as when my father died more than a year ago. A friend of mine told me it will take years to get over the hurt.
All i can say is try to be strong, don't hide your hurt, if you have to cry, then cry. If your having a bad day just go with it, don't let people tell you you cant or should be over the loss of your friend. If you need to talk to someone I am here for you, if there is no one else. Feel free to send me an email or if you have messenger, IM me. I'm a great listener! Good luck to your healing process.
bobbie21brady@yahoo.com
Sometimes the normal grieving process becomes more complicated. Sleep and appetite disturbances, reduced sex drive, and marked preoccupation with thoughts about the deceased may be signs of increased difficulty in dealing with the death.
Sometimes our feeling of loss may seem so tragic and pervasive that we believe we can no longer go on. Such feelings of despair and hopelessness may even lead us to think about suicide. Sometimes because of special life circumstances, our grieving may be marked by confusion because we seem not to be feeling how we think we should. Perhaps we feel relief or maybe even a hint of joy. Regardless of the specific feeling, if we are feeling contrary to the way that we think we should feel, then confusion and guilt may arise. If you are experiencing some of these problems, you may need some special help.
Counseling can give you an opportunity to talk about the lost relationship with all of its ups and downs. Sometimes even talking about parallels to previous relationships with unhappy outcomes can free us to move forward with life and new love relationships.
Working through the many feelings surrounding the death of a loved one is crucial. It is important to know that no matter how badly we feel, we can overcome the grief and can go on to live full and happy lives again. At this time, however, we may need a little more help than we usually do. Even the use of a mild medication prescribed by a psychiatrist can be helpful in this kind of situation.
If your distress is persistent and is disrupting your life and your ability to carry on basic functions, please get help! Don't keep yourself isolated and alone with your pain!
Calm down and relax. Look at the situation and cause of her death then determine if it's best that she passed instead of suffering. Remember, when you pass on you will be with her again and she will always be in your heart/memories forever. I have lost too many relatives to count and it will never get easier to lose just easier to move on.
You will need to grieve you loss. There's no getting around it. As each day goes by you will not be as overwhelmed as you are now. Read books on grieving and go to a grief counsellor if you can. Write in journal daily your thoughts and feelings - even write as you're talking to the person you've lost. You'll get through this. It's the shock you're in right now.
Can't remember all 5 stages but I think It's Shock, Dis-belief/Denial, Anger, and Acceptance.
i wish i could help i can tell you are hurting it is hard to believe but time really does help try to stay busy with the normal day to day stuff if you can keep busy to gat tired so you can sleep at night you are not alone there will be another friend someday different but just as special maybe find someone online to talk to
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and I know that feeling. all to well.
I've lost friends that were like family to me.
I just lost my dad this July 1st. we argued right before his accident, too, and never made up.
Every day it kills me. but I know he forgives me.
I've even seen him.
I know what it's like, and I understand everything.
I'm only 13, and I'm already doing bad things with my life because everything is so flipped around.
Sometimes, you just need to talk to someone.
If you want, E-mail me at st.jimmy.nbs@sbcglobal.net.
-Jimmy
i can relate www.wildalien.com/josh this happened to me almost 2 years ago. death is a sad and hard time expectually for those you ar eleft behind, my best advice would be to talk about it , holding it in only will make it worse. everyone grieves in a different way and go throught the stages differently and at different times. you will get though this , just know that you are not alone. sorry about your lose and best of luck to you
Oh hunny i feel for you. One of my real good friends just pasted last december. It was a great shock. Dave was always changing his cell phone number because he had a girlfriend that was like a fatal attraction. Well I hadent talked to him in a few months because I had moved away and he had change numbers again. So I called his ex wife ( they we still good friends ) sandy and she told me well I just could'nt believe it. It was an accidental shooting, but what a shock my heart i swear actually hurt. I am still not over it. I have also lost both of my parents who were my best friends and that will never diminish. When you get yourself busy doing something you will take your mind off for a while and also try to remember the good times. We are alot alike because i am crying right now! so silly. P.SA. I love my dog so much I think about her only living 12 or 13 yrs.and i start crying. Shes only 2! Just think about what you talked about and laughed about and that will comfort you. Wish i was there to give you a big hug you need it.....Flo P.S.S> if you need someone to talk to my email is flophyllis@yahoo.com
I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds as if you both had a good relationship while she was here. Don't you think she'd be happy knowing that you remember the good times and smile instead of the bad times and crying. Don't get me wrong, there is a grieving period, but I'm sure your friend would want you to go on with your life and be happy.
I wish I had the power to say something to make you feel better, but I'm afraid I don't. If it were that easy, none of us would ever have to go through something like this, and we wouldn't have any character or inner strength.
I wish I could say I understand, but I'm also glad to say that I don't. I have never lost a very close friend. I don't know. These things happen, but we forget they can happen to us. That's what makes it so hard, but.yes, things do happen, so you just gotta live on.
Because life does go on for you, and those around you. It kinda sucks, but.you know, you're lucky. Remember good times, because at least you have that left. Celebrate that she lived, rather than that she's gone, because it's unhealthy to get too upset about something that's gone.
Acceptance is key. Again, I know that mindset is hard to achieve, but you've just gotta realize.there are more reasons to be happy about your friend than be sad about. Maybe more things to be happy about. Be happy you knew her, happy she was there.You know.
Make sure you hang out with lots of people you love. It'll make you feel SO much better.
We all grieve for the loss of loved ones. The mourning process is meant to help you get through the loss. It is not meant for you to forget. We mourn because of the remembrance. We must understand and realize, death is a part of life that ends our time here. Some of us believe in the afterlife, the time of life after death. If this is you, then realize, all is not lost. You may meet again. If you believe in the life of the spirit, or soul, then know, that it never ceases, but continues on, somehow. Mourn her death, if you choose, but, do not allow it to encompass your life. Be joyful she has gone on. There is nothing but goodness in her passing on. Those of us who are still here are the ones we should be crying for, if you think aout it. Your friend has to suffer no more in this life. She has entered a higher plane!
This is Anne W. here. I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend a while back too. It really messed me up. The thing is, I spent so much time moping, that I was totally oblivious to all the positive things that I had. Back then I had plenty of good things going for me, but I was so submerged in self-pity that I couldn't see any of them, and I let them float right on by. Ironic how now I wish I could go back to those days. I realize now, that a person has to put more focus on what is making them happy, instead of obsessing on what is making them sad. When bad things happen to you, you pretty much have to focus even harder on the things in this life that give you enjoyment. No matter how small those things are. Use them. Cling to them.
DO NOT DO NOT KILL YOURSELF!!
I am so very sorry I ever said that.
When I wrote that,...I was thinking of suicide myself, and I was just lashing out at you. I had asked people on Q&A for painless ways to commit suicide. I was serious, I really was looking for a method. A method that I wouldn't be too scared to carry out. I was so desparate to leave this earth..I resorted asking people on Q&A for methods. I was too scared to do it any of the ways I was thinking about and I couldn't stand being here another day. Everytime I woke up it made me cry, and I would try to force myself to sleep for as long as I could.
Asking for suicide methods on Q&A was not at all helpful. People said that I was selfish and mean for not considering my loved ones,...that suicide is an unforgivable sin, and I would burn in hell,...that I was a pathetic loser for even thinking up such a thing,...that I was just an attention seeker and wanted people to talk me out of it...that I was an idiot for even thinking such a thing,...that I should pour gasoline all over myself and light a match,...that I should go to the zoo and jump in the lions cage..etc.
There were positive responses too, but I only focused on the negative. I couldn't understand why people try to criticize others for wanting to end their lives.
Sometimes the pain is so great, there is nothing that can be done.
Some people just cannot be helped.
So why suffer?
Once you know (and belive me I know) that you can't be helped, why live your life into old age with misery, pain, and torture?
But the fact is, no one can really know who can or cannot be helped. So...everyone encourages everyone to live and to not die, no one wants to be responsible for a death, when a person could have been helped to lead a better life. But like I said..I am one of those people who cannot be helped.
When I told you to "KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF", I was just so upset over a lot of things and I was j taking it out on you. That was wrong.
I think I was secretly wishing that someone would say the same to me, so that I could die without feeling so much guilt. I am still planning on ending it, and when I wrote to you.."Why don't you KILL YOURSELF"...I was secretly hoping that God, and my sisters, would let me off the hook by telling me that telling me it was OK to die, so then I wouldn't have the added mental anguish of feeling guilty, and knowing that I am hurting others.
None of this is any excuse for me telling you to "Go KILL YOURSELF", and again I should not have said that to you. I'm sorry. Sometimes, in an effort to deal with the pain, we spread it around in an effort to have it not explode within us. It was wrong of me to do that. I should have helped you instead.
Alot of times I feel that I can't give advice about "being brave, being strong enduring, looking for the best"...etc, when it is so hard for me to follow my own advice. I am still looking for a quick and painless suicide method. How can I be of any help to anyone else??
All I am good for is this advice------------
Absorb yourself in the pleasant things in life. Put all your mental energy and time there. Concern yourself with what you have that is STILL good.
If after doing this you still feel miserable.......
GET BUSY LIVING, OR GET BUSY DYING.
Either one is ok to choose, BUT...
To be happy, you must pick one, and pick one quickly!!
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