How can i control my temper towards my 2 year old son?
Sometimes i feel like i talk to the wall or just for my well being. when he dosnt do what i say i get upset n yell at him i spank him. i never believed in spanking n i dont like it. sometimes i give him what he wants just to keep the peace.when i spank him i know it hurts him cuz it would hurt me sometimes i would just keep spanking i try to limit it to 3 times at once but afterwards he just goes back n do what he got in trouble for in the first place no matter how much i try to get his attencion on something else i love my son very much he just dosnt listen how can i make him listen without briving him i scare myself and my friends just by the way i yell imagine the way my son feel i try to this in mind but he just continues how can i stop him and my temper
Answers:
Start at your sons doctors office. Ask them for help and get your son a physical to make sure he is healthy and there is not a medical reason for his miss behaving. Find some local parenting classes and take them. Your son is repeating behavior because he has gotten so many mixed signals he doesn't know what to ever expect. Or he may be repeating bad behavior just for some attention.
I will be honest with you, by admitting here that you lose your temper and sometimes physically with your son, is you recognizing a problem and wanting help. Please talk to a therapist or sons doctor so you can receive that help. I suspect your temper control issues are not limited to just your son. Please find support somewhere so you and your son can have a healthy relationship and your son is safe and loved. Blessings and Good Luck.
P.S. please do not listen to anybody who might suggest you need to mentally "break" your child or respank them if you feel they are not sorry. A parent like that is clearly in need of serious help. Any small child that does not want to kiss his parent is proof that the parent has totally screwed up big time and their own child doesnt even want to express love by kissing them.
Crate training. Works for dogs.
he is two years old.. with a two year old brain and mentality
whats YOU excuse?
Booze and pills. works every time.
You need anger management classes. You also might looking into parenting classes and stress management classes. A two year old does not have a concept of "other" yet. He may also have a developmental problem that causes him not to listen. They call that age the terrible twos. You need to get help.
Spend time with him. Maybe he's misbehaving because he is bored. If you play with ihim and keep him entertained I doubt he'll disobey you.
My son is also 2 and I know it gets hard sometimes , but jst be patient , give him love and explain to him how you feel ,<and if you get upset take a time out tell him to go to bed and shut the door and just relax for a while that's what i have to do .
Well all you can really do is show him love and support a 2 year old is still learning, and it takes a long time sometimes to learn things at that age. Spanking him isn't always a answer. Time out is a good answer, go without desert. Something small is all it takes, if you show anger tords him at a young age it makes it harder becoming a teenager for him and you. If he knows how to drive you crazy at a young age what are you going to do when he is older and knows how you react to things.
try yoga.
Remember that he's your baby, we have enough enemies and hateful people around us all the time. You're his mother and should only show him love.
Pick up a book on discipline, like "Four Weeks to a Better-Behaved Child : Breakthrough Discipline Techniques that Work-for Children Age 2 to 10" (Paperback)
by Cristine Chandler, Laura McGrath (amazon.com). On sale for like $11bucks.
You'll feel better in a month!
alright.. now don't beat yourself up. Your human just like the rest of us and hey.if we have kids we've ALL been there. In fact, my son is 2 1/2 and i hated him some days.i would wake up just not wanting to spend the day with him. It got better though.slowly, but surely, we made peace with each other and every so often i get kisses from him or he'll let me kiss him. I have a bad temper with him too, and i can't say i "fixed it" necessarily, but time did heal.
Also, about the spanking: If he dosn't say he's sorry (you'll have to say "are you sorry? " to him) then he needs to be respanked. He needs to be sorry and broken (in the mental sense, not physical). So, if you're spaking and finish and he's angrier than he was before or goes back to doing the wrong action, etc.its time to keep spanking. Ask a seasoned parent..some spanks went on for 10's, 20's.and dare i say 30 in number?.
but anyway, loosen up on yourself, and apologize when your wrong, but keep up the good work! You'll get there!
Not an easy thing to cure but the first step is having awareness of what you do and a desire to change. So that's a good start!
It can't be done in a simple answer here, of course, so I would suggest two things:
1) Find a real life friend to talk to about this, and tell them what you need and what you want to do. Make it someone that you respect and who you think is good with kids. Then talk to them daily about this issue. The constant dialogue, the reflection, the feedback, and the advice will help to start the change.
2) Prepare in your mind to keep control for just the next time that this situation might occur. i.e. say to yourself "I know that I will get angry again, so I am going to think about it now and how I will react when it happens." And then think about how that reaction will happen and visualize how you will head it off. And then work really hard to make that happen when it does occur. And then do the same thing for the next time, one event at a time. You won't be perfect, but you will be getting your head engaged in the game, and you will start to effect change.
And remember, kids are never perfect. It's normal for them to fall short of expectations. It's a constant process of forming and teaching, and slow improvement.
Good luck! :)
You need to go to a parenting class. At 2 years of age children act out. And they don't have the attention span to completely take in what we try to get across to them. I spank my children. But at 2 years of age it really sounds like you are going over board. It is very easy to get mad at our children when they don't listen or follow up with what we tell them to do or not to do. It is very easy to go overboard. Please seak some help. For you and your child.
you can try to take away some of the things he loves to do for a few minutes and see if that works or put him in time out let him sit in his room for a while on a chair dont get yourself all worked up about it take a deep breath and count too 3 instead of spanking him
Anyone who has ever had a 2 year old has felt tested. You are not alone, dear. I suggest when you feel your anger or frustration coming on, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and go to your bathroom, shut the door, and sit and breathe for a few minutes. You need to know at his age he cannot help everything he does, as he is probably acting on instinct at his age, not on what he has been taught. Buy him some books and when he gets testy offer to spend some quality time with him reading. When my daughter was that age and she would act up, I would find my camera and say "If you want to help mommy take pictures you'd better straighten up"..kids love taking pictures... Tell yourself he will "only be this age once".things will get better.
Remember he is 2 and you are the adult. You can always try putting them in time-out. Sit them down on couch for just a couple of minutes max 5 minutes, with nothing to watch or play with just sit there. If he gets down put him back up there. In a calm voice after the time-out, explain to him why he had to go to time-out. I have a 2 1/2 year old girl it works pretty good. DO NOT PUT HIM IN THE CORNER.
be patient with ur son...
i noe it sounds hard but since beating does not work that effectively, try the softer approach, talk to him on why this is wrong and what he should do and why..
and try to destress by trying yoga
Yelling does not help.
Love consistency, & firmness does.
Control your temper. You have another 16-18 years with him. Get him straight now along with yourself. He is 2 and you are near 2 to 10 times his age. Your temper sets a bad example. Do not give him what he wants "just to keep the peace."
Examine yourself and your behaviour from the time you were a child till now. Are you Behaving??
Yelling and hitting are both forms of abuse. You need to learn better parenting skills without doing either of those. I suggest you get some good books on behavior modification in children and parenting.
Time outs, with a naughty corner where he stays until he behaves (usually no more than a couple of minutes for one that age). Get eye level with him when you explain (in a CALM voice) what you want from him.
You want your child to look back on his childhood and remember a great mom, not a screaming, hitting witch.
Get some time to yourself too, relax, take some deep breaths to calm down. Count to 10 before you open your mouth if you feel like yelling. Then think, how would this best be SAID, not yelled.
The first step in solving a problem is to admit there is a problem. Your problem is going to be hard for you to admit:
You and your son have developed a disfunctional syndrome called "adversarial relationship." He has determined that the only way he can retaliate against your physical abuse is to do whatever makes you upset and angry. The punishments are actually validating his aggression against you, because he knows you are hurt by it.
Some people are disfunctional, and don't know how to relate without getting into these adversarial situations. You are one of these people.
But since you are a parent, you will have to find a way to do the best you can. Once you push one out, you can't stick it back in. You have to raise him. What you need to do is see someone who specializes in childcare and they can start helping you understand better ways to steer your child away from things you think are bad for his development without having these problems. It will require you to learn to deal with people differently than you are used to. Are you up to it?
Try to calm yourself down before you spank or yell at him. Try putting him in time out for at least 3 minuets. Explain to him what he is doing wrong and if he does it again he will be put in timeout. If he continues put him in time out. Only give him one warning. If he doesn't behave when he gets out of timeout take away one of his favorite toys for a day and put in timeout again. I have two sons. I give them one warning and they know if they do it again they will get timeout. This works better for me then yelling when I used to yell they just didn't listen. It's alot easier to put them in timeout then to yell or spank them. Now I could give my kids more affection then yelling at them. Good Luck!!
I have found that the child is not the only one who needs a time out. I have had to leave the room, go into another room, close the door and count to 10 or 100, whatever it takes. Spanking is not always the answer. 1,2,3 magic is a very good technique. And taking things away as a consequence works, even at his age. If you take away a favorite toy or whatever it is he likes, he will remember that. Time out is great, but you have to stick to it. Don't back down and give in. Once you give in, you have lost the battle and he has won. He will not take you for your word. Maybe you need to attend a parent support group. They have child care so you can ask questions like these and get opinions from other parents such as yourself. Good luck.
I really feel for you! I had a really hard time with my daughter. But one thing i wish i had done sooner, was get some counseling. they have great ways to help both the parent and child. PLEASE ask for help. you can call the community health department and they will help. They also will help with the bill.
Spanking a 2-year old kid? That's a very good way to raise a hardened kid who, at the age of 5, couldn't care less if you break your skull while banging it on the wall out of frustration. You think he can understand what the appropriate DOs and DONTs based on YOUR standard at that tender age? You think he could make moral decisions at that age?
You're expecting too much.
Is is possible that you only notice him when he does something wrong, but you never even manage to praise him if he hasn't soiled himself after two hours of playing? Is it possible that you can praise other children and toddlers he's playing with but not him? Is it possible that you never talked to him in a softer tone and that your tone of voice is always that of admonition? Is it possible that you never cuddled him at night before sleeping but simply marches him off when it is time? Do you ever read stories to him before bedtime?
If you answered YES to any of the above questions, then you'd discern where you're doing wrong. Please be honest with yourself in this regard. It is only by accepting your shortcomings that you will be able to "change the lens" of your field of view.
Try to go for positive reinforcement and just impose restrictions for misdemeanors committed by your child then observe how his behavior and attitude change.
Ok, they say "spare the rod, spoil the child" but the other end of the saying is "always on the rod, later on the lam."
I think you spend too much time with him. Get a sitter for a few hours a day or send him to daycare. You and your son will benefit and his behavor should improve learning from others about sharing, being around playmates. He may be bored as you say and task stimulation keeps kids busy. Read to him. Whatever you do, you must react to him in a calm manner.
If you say you are going to do something, you must follow thru, but be calm about it.
Sounds like he knows how to push your buttons and you need to control that temper. He is a 2 years old. You are an adult. Just say no and don't spank him. Say no a thousand times if you must and stay calm.
You must change the behavior that he reacts to, whatever it is.
One we have all been there. Take a deep breath. In though the nose out through the mouth. It's OK for him to cry sometimes. Does he have a room that you can put him in for five minutes? Let him scream. Let him give himself a headache. Plus it will make him tired. He should sleep a lot better.
Spanking is not necessarily bad, but it doesn't work for everything. On a two year old I mostly slapped hands when my kids reached for things that would hurt them. Time out and letting them scream worked better. If the kid wants to bang his head on the floor drag him to a carpet. Don't react and DON'T give in to temper tantrums. Never spank when you are angry. Cool down first. Breath deeply.
Explaining your feelings is useless. This is a two year old. One at that stage they do not recognize other people as having feelings. They haven't developed that yet.
Good Luck
I lived though 3 of them. You can do it.
Is your son communicating? If he isn't speaking it could be something else. (autism spectral disorder) He doesn't like kisses? This could be acting out from his inability to communicate. I have seen this before. If any of this sounds familiar enable your email and contact me.
I know it is difficult not to scream , however as you can see it gets you nowhere . As a matter of fact it never can because at that point HE IS IN CHARGE of the situation . { he is controlling your attitude & behavior . That causes him to do it again the next time . Children { of all ages } want & need disipline . He wants you to hear whatever it is that he is trying to convey . When he does this next time stop what you are doing and take him to his room . He will fight you of course . when you get him there sit down and say in a Calm voice , now I think you want mommy to hear you so I'll be back when you stop screaming and you can talk . Walk away till he stops . It will take a few times , but then he will learn that you will listen but only if he asks to talk quietly . Yes even at 2 yrs. old . see they sense that you have taken charge .
It will be hard at first but HANG IN THERE UNTIL IT WORKS !
Disciplining Infants and Toddlers – Is It Necessary?
This article is an “open letter” to parents of our Magic Play Time groups and all parents and caregivers of infants and toddlers.
When we first began our “Baby Buddies” and “Toddler Buddies” playgroups, our children were young and not very mobile. We discussed children’s crying, night waking, and safety as children began mouthing objects, rolling, crawling, and getting into everything. We also experienced separation fears, clinginess, and many other changes. Lately, I have received a lot of questions about discipline. How do we do it? What methods work best?
First of all, remember your baby is learning to love others through his/her relationship with you and significant others. “Good discipline” is not “punishment” or “harshness” as you may have been taught or come to believe. The word “discipline” comes from the word “disciple,” which means “to teach.” Teaching your child what behavior is appropriate is what discipline is all about. You may be surprised to learn that you have been using the most effective discipline techniques for some time!
During infancy, you and your baby have been forming a strong bond with each other. By being a warm, responsive parent, you have helped your child develop a secure attachment to you. You have taught your child that he can trust you and count on you to meet his needs. Instead of spoiling your baby, you have actually given her confidence that she is important to you and that she can communicate effectively with you. You have taught your child all of this while:
• Answering your child’s cries for attention and caring for his needs right away.
• Having realistic expectations about children’s capabilities.
• Learning about and responding to your child’s unique personality traits.
• Demonstrating patience and understanding with reassuring words, looks, and soothing gestures.
• Keeping your child under constant supervision.
Trust, patience, and understanding are the foundation to effective discipline. As your child starts to crawl, you will find your job even more challenging! Your toddler’s main goal is to explore the world, learn how things work, and how to do things for him or herself. He is learning how to walk, be independent, talk (including the word, “no!”), ask questions, express likes and dislikes, experience emotions, control movements, imitate adults, run, jump, and climb. Your toddler will go through stages that include being in constant motion, having no fear of danger, being frustrated, and being prone to temper tantrums. Hitting, biting, grabbing, running away from you, throwing things, screaming, whining, and getting into everything are common at eighteen months-two years. Power struggles, separation anxiety, and potty training also commonly occur before or around age three.
How will you help meet her needs for exploring and discovery while keeping dangerous places and items off-limits? Some of the best methods of responding to these challenges include:
• Satisfy your child’s need to safely explore by providing space for running as well as sensory experiences with sand, dirt, water, and play-dough. Spend some time childproofing play spaces. Always monitor settings for danger as you will likely need to physically remove your child from dangerous activities.
• Teach what they CAN do. “You can color on paper, not on the wall.”
• Make and state simple rules and the reason for the limit. “Stay in the yard. The street is not safe.”
• Because your baby has little memory, distracting him toward an acceptable object or activity usually is successful during this stage without stifling his need for exploring.
• Use rhymes and songs to gain cooperation (“What is the song for picking up our toys?”)
• Use books to teach a new concept. (When A Story Would Help by Lucie Barber)
• Substitute a desirable item for a dangerous one. (“Here’s a brush you can keep.”)
• Use logical consequences, such as “Let’s put the toys away when they cause us to fight.”
• Provide choices when you mean your child to have one. Say, “Would you like to wear your blue shirt or your green shirt?” instead of saying, “Do you want to get dressed now?”
• Use humor. “The tickle bug’s gonna get your frown.”
• Reinforce desirable behavior, like saying “Thank you for coming when I called”.
• Help your child put their feelings into words, like “You are sad we have to leave.”
• When possible, ignore undesirable behavior, such as tantrums.
• Use a firm tone that says, “I mean business.” Such as “Stop! Come here.”
• Ask questions that get your child to think, such as “Where did I say you couldn’t go? And where did you go?”
• Tell stories about a situation and your child’s feelings. For example, “Once there was a little girl who loved the outdoors so much she didn’t want to go inside…”
• Make a situation into a game, such as, “Can you get in your chair before I count to 5?” or “Let’s pretend we are kangaroos as we clean up the toys.”
These are just a start of creative ways to handle problems with toddlers. Research has consistently shown that children with parents who are warm and affectionate as well as skilled at setting clear, firm limits are most likely to be well-adjusted, have good self-esteem, be self-controlled, have good morals, and be high achievers. Positive, appropriate discipline teaches children self-control and helps them experience success, learn from their mistakes, and feel good about themselves.
that is from: http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/champaign2/connections/0301/family1.html
also try
http://stress.about.com/od/parentingskills/
http://www.nls.net/mp/sfricke/parenting.htm
You are taking the first best steps - realizing that your discipline approach might not be working and asking for help.
I can definately tell you that giving him what he wants to stop the behavior is the worst thing to do. By doing this, you are teaching him that the next time you say "no" he just has to throw a fit and continue to bug you until he gets what he wants. Even if this is the easy way to stop the behavior at the time, you will really pay for it in the long run. Yelling doesn't work either, in fact, I'm a mom and a teacher and I've found that talking quieter gets the kids' attention better than raising my voice. If you progressivly get louder as his bad behavior continues, he will take longer to calm down because he will start to figure out that Mommy isn't really, really mad until she gets quite loud.
The best way to encourage good behavior is consistancy and time. Decide on how you will deal with certain behaviors and stick with that same method or punishment. Don't try one thing a few times and think it's not working, get frustrated, and then change back to the yelling - you have to do it over and over for weeks or even months, but eventually he realizes that things are always done the same and his behavior doesn't get him the results he wants, so he corrects his behavior.
Try to match the consequence to the behavior and talk to him about it (state what was wrong with the behavior because he might not even realize why you think he was being bad and tell him a positive alternative behavior). 2 year olds understand more than people realize. Here's some examples: if he throws a toy, then that toy is taken away for a couple of days and he has to sit down (in an area with no toys) - time outs are usually recommended to be as many minutes as their age because that is also their attention span (so 2 minutes would be best unless he hasn't calmed down yet), tell him that we don't throw toys, we play nice with them and take care of them; if he is throwing a tantrum, sit him on a time out to calm down and be quiet - if he tries getting up, sit him back down over and over if you have to until he understands that he is not going to be able to leave that spot until mommy says he can after he calms down (you may need to sit with him held on you lap) and tell him that we don't scream, throw ourselves on the floor, etc, instead we talk nicely; if he is getting into something, for example, he keeps taking snacks out of the cupboard, put the snack out of reach or lock the cupboard, and take him out of the room for a time out, then talk to him about not going into cupboards and to ask mommy for a snack and show him where he can go to find something to do. Discipline is a lot of hard work for a while, but if you keep it up, you will find that eventually you just have to say "no" and he knows that you really mean no and he won't get away with it. Also, don't forget that you can't just punish, you definately need to be very positive and rewarding - if he is choosing a good behavior make sure to tell him how happy you are with him and even give him a hug or kiss - he will like these results more than the results from negative behavior and he will seek these results more often after a while.
Finally, don't forget that he is two and at an age where he wants to learn about so many things and is exploring his boundaries and is just looking to you to show them to him. Also don't forget that you are human and will make mistakes and get angry, but try to find a way to quiet that anger, maybe by counting to 10 before proceeding with a punishment or by leaving the room for a minute.
Believe it or not, humans learn more between birth and age 5 than they do the entire rest of their lives. This means that how you choose to discipline him and how you treat him and react to his behavior is extremely important.
I wish you all the best of luck - don't be afraid to ask people close to you and in your community if you need help!
hey kandy
you arent the only one who has been through this
you sound to me like you need someone to talk to
i dont mean professionally
i mean just in general a good friend or companion
life is so tough sometimes its so easy to see what we need that doesnt mean its that easy to get it
all i can tell you is do your best and at times when you dont feel you can handle disciplining your son, YOU take a time out
i know when my son was two, he's five now, i had to just let him do whatever we were locking horns over until i felt i was in control then id go back in and try it again
its almost unbelievable how tough it is being a good parent sometimes isnt it
especially if you are the only parent
good luck girl and just remember that your son needs you all you can do is do your best
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